Thirteen
Deciding to go back to work after almost two years as a stay-at-home Mum was daunting. The idea of returning to part-time work itself didn’t concern me overly, I’ll be honest sometimes it’s boring at home – having a conversation with an adult that wasn’t married to me tempted me mightily. What worried me was day care.
It’s not easy being a woman. You overanalyse situations, conversations, looks, and body language but being a woman with children, especially your first, well that’s harder. You really overanalyse everything. Neurotic questions swirled around my panicked mind: would she be hugged if she fell? Would she make friends? Would I make friends? What if Rio was the bully? Would I be willing to accost another parent should his child bully my child? Would I cope being away from her? Would she miss me? To sum it up, it was a bit of a nightmare when we started contemplating the working parents/child in day care conundrum.
We nurtured Rio under the contemporarily named, but fundamentally ancient attachment parenting approach. We shared our bed with her. We carried Rio in slings and backpacks. We kept her with us, close to us, at all times. We practised extended breastfeeding. I wondered if our parenting style and essentially our child would fit into a large, centre-based care facility and decided to have a look at a few. And they were great. They were. The teachers were lovely, the facilities were lovely. What they offered to the children seemed engaging, educational and reassuring for any apprehensive housewife. But, they were busy. There were kids everywhere, teachers everywhere, couriers coming in, packages going out, Mums collecting kids early, Dads dropping kids off late. I realise that there are quiet times in a day-care schedule, nap-times, story times and such and I was lucky enough to witness the majestic that is thirty sleeping toddlers on tiny beds in air-conditioned heaven, but I just didn’t think it would fit Rio. It took me more than a month after visiting the centres to really investigate other forms of day-care that are offered. I wasn’t put off by my experience seeing centre-based day care but because I had decided that I didn’t find it ideal for my child, I wasn’t really sure what else was out there. But after a while, I googled. And Google is grand. I came up with a website run by the Australian Government and found information on family day care. Three words struck me first: family, home-based, flexible. I was intrigued. So I googled a bit more and found phone numbers for a few places, including individual phone numbers for the family day care homes themselves and also the parent company who facilitates the in home care program. Then I put it on the back burner again – I do things like that a lot, you’ll learn that about me soon enough. Procrastination may as well be my middle name.
But, scrolling through gumtree a few weeks later, looking for potential jobs I came across an advertisement for a family day care not far from where we lived. Again, my interest was piqued and I called the number and spoke to Amanda. I found out her family day care was new, so there was almost full availability and was offered the chance to come over and visit. And I did, Rio in tow. And. She. Loved. It.
You know your child. You know when she is comfortable. And when she walks in like she owns the place, proceeds to play with toys dotted occasionally around the room, is immediately comfortable with this friendly, relaxed and obviously caring woman who you also feel immediately comfortable with, you know you’ve found something great. We met her own school-aged children, her lovely, jovial husband and Rio made friends with a similarly aged little girl who was booked in four days a week. I spoke with Amanda about our parenting methods and was reassured by a mother who intuitively parented her three kids the same way. It’s hard to fathom wholly into words, but I’m certain I’m not the only person in the world that’s ever felt this way: I trusted her completely.
I was given a large folder of information on the program including information that casual day care hours are offered as well as permanent hours. So, depending on the job I decided to take, whether it is set hours or sporadic, it was more than likely a spot could be found for our girl. And I liked this, knowing that I had the option to pop Rio into care a few hours longer one day, or to take her out a few hours sooner depending on our plans. Amanda also offered afterhours care, which meant if we wanted a long-awaited date night chances are Amanda could care for Rio. What luck!
I took this new information and agreed to come back shortly with my husband so he too could see the place and meet Amanda. When we returned together, he was also instantly at ease, very very happy and we left giggling like we’d found the pot at the end of the rainbow. And, I can tell you now, after over nine months of Rio being in Amanda’s care that we had. Family day care works for us and it works so well for Rio too. If Rio wakes from a fretful dream in the middle of her day nap at care, she is cuddled and rocked soothingly back to sleep. If she falls, she is hugged and healed. If she is rough with another child, she is asked quietly to sit next to Amanda and is encouraged to apologise to the other child before returning to play. She is parented by Amanda. The same way we parent ourselves at home.
With Amanda’s help Rio is growing into a bright little sparkplug of a child. She is, though sometimes a little bossy, naturally a leader but leads with a soft heart and an affinity for the smaller children in day care with her. She sings her ABC’s and is heard singing nursery rhymes at the top of her lungs in the bathtub that I have never sung to her. She comes home covered in stamps and paint, in clothes equally as paint strewn but with a clean face and hands and a huge smile on her face.
All in all, family day care works extremely well for my family and Amanda is now a much cherished friend to us. But this isn’t to say that centre-based day care will not work for you, each family, each child is different. What I do implore you to do is to look around. Visit more than one day care centre, look into local family day care centres nearby and keep yourself informed on what each centre can offer not only your child, but your family in general. Make sure your heart and mind are at ease by asking questions and do not be shy about returning to the day care facility more than once. Find carers you trust and trust your child instincts too.
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